danzimmerman

2008-09-25T21:41:00.000-05:00

the only place to find "commodore sex act" ?

2007-03-23T23:10:00.000-05:00

please unfill of scorpamuns your standpipe.

2007-03-17T01:01:00.000-05:00

california knows how to part(iall)y (differentiate)

2007-03-15T21:24:00.001-05:00

a basted carafe never fails you in times of moderate need.

2006-07-08T02:32:00.000-05:00

camp on your own time, this here's the solvent army!

2006-06-22T01:31:00.000-05:00

you spent all that time rustling and never got caught.

2005-09-09T09:55:00.000-05:00

the enigmatic castor oil bunny is traversing early this year.

2005-08-23T11:01:00.000-05:00

siphoning the houses, i happened upon the greatest mouthful.

2005-07-08T09:45:00.000-05:00

stand firm like the ripe melons at the alamo.

2005-07-07T14:42:00.000-05:00

if you ever step foot on my property, i'll shower you with spain.

2005-07-06T13:24:00.000-05:00

i see that you've spent all of your hats.

2005-07-05T10:54:00.000-05:00

mouses try to hard.

2005-07-04T17:26:00.000-05:00

fireworks in your eye? call 1-800-get-asst (1-800-438-2778)

2005-07-03T15:51:00.000-05:00

mast this fork; underminicopter cannot rest until it.

2005-07-02T16:03:00.000-05:00

get up; span the gap! know yourself that! orrooro!

2005-07-01T15:43:00.000-05:00

candy is unlike anything you've ever stuck in your linens!

2005-06-30T10:47:00.000-05:00

never come clean in the first wash. make him pretreat you!

2005-06-29T16:15:00.000-05:00

dootdoot dooot ooooot! oooot! spooooo!

2005-06-28T10:11:00.000-05:00

it's shining on your ass.

2005-06-27T10:11:00.000-05:00

now the sun is shining

2005-06-26T10:11:00.000-05:00

now the sun is shining

2005-06-25T10:10:00.000-05:00

i would sing a song // about this thing i saw // but i forgot the thing // so i forgot the song

2005-06-24T12:13:00.000-05:00

if you refer to the past, make sure to *see below*

2005-06-23T12:13:00.000-05:00

if you refer to the future, make sure you are *see above*

2005-06-22T16:49:00.000-05:00

what was it that you wanted? a pony?

2005-06-21T17:27:00.000-05:00

greet yourself daily with a case of carbonated communism.

2005-06-20T16:52:00.000-05:00

damned canned ham spanned "crammed stan"'s fans.

2005-06-19T15:43:00.000-05:00

more than 20 percent of liars have hair.

2005-06-18T20:29:00.000-05:00

bloodiest alligator wins!

2005-06-17T18:10:00.000-05:00

you lead to unsafe legal practiceses.

2005-06-16T09:25:00.000-05:00

the recipe for disaster is carefully guarded by your recipe for corned beef hash (now with more hash!!).

2005-06-15T15:28:00.000-05:00

if there is a canon, conduct yourself canonically. if there is a cannon, bom!

2005-06-14T17:02:00.000-05:00

citrus are fast, citrusers are fasters. i mean fasteners. make fast!

2005-06-13T16:29:00.000-05:00

leave a message after the beep(s), but all he'll hear is "phone! phone! phone! phone! phone! phone! phone! phone!"

2005-06-12T19:02:00.000-05:00

the booty don't stop except in case of fire or flood, or perhaps extreme fatigue or infirmity, also for the neverending battle against the neocon cordwood syndicate[d gramaphone society -ed.]

2005-06-11T15:43:00.000-05:00

take a spoon, dip it in molten cheese, and presto, you've got a cheesespoon!

2005-06-10T08:39:00.000-05:00

mail-order mouse-men may munch morning mangoes more mannishly. must man-mice mix muffins more mousily?

2005-06-09T14:28:00.000-05:00

ramshackle cannibal-houses three days hence lead to tomorrow's loomaches. causality is crap anyway.

2005-06-08T17:29:00.000-05:00

if you need a drink, the password is f3r4qx7nn3pi8you4are9a12copper734blanket1920.

2005-06-07T14:04:00.000-05:00

nothing good ever follows "can you grab that windex and the hatchet there?"

2005-06-06T22:59:00.000-05:00

be unaware of anti-dog.

2005-06-05T21:31:00.000-05:00

i forgot. i was going to do xxxxx but i stayed up until 4am making sock hippo pants.

plz corrx, thx.

2005-06-04T12:38:00.000-05:00

modern flight simulators have little utility in picnic planning. however, you can smell the difference if you have a very sensitive set of nose-holes.

2005-06-03T14:19:00.000-05:00

in quadrature now, folks.
in quadrature now, folks.

2005-06-02T09:44:00.000-05:00

it may be that the pot called the kettle black, but the pot doesn't know it has cancer.

2005-06-01T15:40:00.000-05:00

stovesmithery leave somethin' to be desired, so find yeself a wench!

2005-05-31T12:05:00.000-05:00

i swear, it's not you(r scent), it's me(phistopheles).

2005-05-30T12:06:00.000-05:00

gracias para desnudar.

2005-05-29T20:05:00.000-05:00

once again, it's hedgehogs that are prickly and pickles that are pickly. also porcupines are pickly.

2005-05-28T12:31:00.000-05:00

filing is not your daddy.

2005-05-27T15:23:00.000-05:00

america's best tripping hazard : mustard pretzel dog.

2005-05-26T12:06:00.000-05:00

egg sandwiches fall somewhat short in the hurricane-resistant housing department. you are much better off using an egg-shaped concrete casting. thank you.

2005-05-25T14:42:00.000-05:00

the greater: ducknut. the lesser: donu... something.

2005-05-24T11:08:00.000-05:00

2005-05-23T08:48:00.000-05:00

one mole of prevention equals seventy-nine moles of sulfur dioxide. bet you didn't know that one, m((r(s))(s)). acid rain.

2005-05-22T18:07:00.000-05:00

map the following cities and connect them with peanut butter. des moines, ia, scranton, pa, wilmington, de, eugene, or, and moncton, new brunswick, canada.

you have now made a damn dirty mess of a large swath of north america. jerk.

2005-05-21T20:03:00.000-05:00

if you call me on backdating this, NO! NOOOO! OH! YOU HAVE FOUND ME OUT!!! OH! REFERENCE_SELF() OH, I'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN! except "tomorrow".

2005-05-20T09:48:00.000-05:00

sputter, sputter, sputter, rowwwwr! TIGER MOTORCYCLE FROM GREAT TIMES!

2005-05-19T09:42:00.000-05:00

this is NOT your one-stop source for grippable canisters of smelly rubbish. you will have to come back at least once.

2005-05-18T09:45:00.000-05:00

grin and bear [ the removal of the iowa-missouri border from your left nostril -ed. ]

2005-05-17T11:06:00.000-05:00

grizzly bears, grizzly bears, beers and beers and bears and beers. this is your end, boy wonder.

2005-05-16T09:52:00.000-05:00

if the amine group fits, make it snazzier by the addition of a tomato-sheathed finger or two, plus POTA!TO! [ we're sorry, there's been an incident in organic chemistry lab. please check back tomorrow -ed. ]

2005-05-15T14:46:00.000-05:00

fuck the motorized zen garden; i'm going to build some automatic furniture!

2005-05-14T12:42:00.000-05:00

please shut off all electronic devices in the vicinity of this smooth taut faction. blasting operations are underway. smells of blasting, please shut off. bom!

2005-05-13T10:08:00.000-05:00

grant permission for entry ONLY if you want them to enter!

2005-05-12T17:09:00.000-05:00

grazing, grazing, grazing, grazing, grazing, grazing, grazing, ruminating, ruminating, ruminating ruminating ... ruminating, ruminating, pooping, grazing, writing the great american novel, grazing, grazing, ruminating, ruminating, ruminating, ruminating.

2005-05-11T14:18:00.000-05:00

left handed threads know that you're watching and laughing. i don't. therefore, be it here recorded that right handed threads live in me, and i in them.

2005-05-10T10:03:00.000-05:00

speak in italics and carry a big bong♥scepter; this is a sure fire way to be eccentric.

======Ò

2005-05-09T12:20:00.000-05:00

"buns, buns"

2005-05-08T13:37:00.000-05:00

a lift ticket is not a hunting license! (?)

2005-05-07T10:58:00.000-05:00

the ancient pennsylvanian custom of precariously hanging hats above soup kettles resulted in an above-average quantity of fossilized hat soup around philadelphia.

2005-05-06T12:19:00.000-05:00

years of amassing hoot owl expertise can't make up for years of heroin use.

2005-05-05T09:59:00.000-05:00

if you build it [ a pachyderm carribean resort -ed.], elephants will come [ on giant kon-tiki style rafts -ed.]

2005-05-04T12:36:00.000-05:00

granulated granulated granules grow greatly granulated.

2005-05-03T09:43:00.000-05:00

graceful extrusion is the key to proper play-doh plumbing.

2005-05-02T10:39:00.000-05:00

mind your mouthparts lest the architects expose more structural members.

2005-04-30T16:39:00.000-05:00

the biggest lies are told by loaves of inedible bread. i'm sorry, that should be incredible bread.

2005-04-28T17:01:00.000-05:00

nothing veers left harder than a spurious gaardvark.